It sounds like you're insecure about a lot of things, and I'm interpreting your situation that way because I too am insecure in many aspects of myself. I don't consider myself good looking, I'm not great at interacting with people, and I generally see myself as a very boring person without many interesting things to say.
You might not like what I'm about to say, and it might sounds super lame and ineffective but it works for me.
Do you believe in prophecies? Lots of people do subconciously. So what happens when you use all these strong words like ugly and gross to talk about yourself? You're writing a self-fulfilling prophecy where you will never win. So step one: stop using such horrible words like ugly, gross, and weird to describe yourself. I don't care if you self-loathe using milder words, but first stop using those stronger words to describe yourself.
You seem to really acknowledge how strong you feel about interacting with yourself and other people. I've got one piece of advice for you to start seeing human interaction as not that big of a deal: Greetings! Everyday when you wake up and go to the bathroom to wash up, look in the mirror and say hi. I don't care if you don't want to say more than that, but greet and smile at yourself. Additionally, next time you go buy anything, say hi, thank you, and have a nice day to the person working the register.
And you say you want to be a kid again. So be a kid again! I used to make a bunch of origami animals when I was young, so what did I do a decade later stressing about growing up? I bought a bunch of origami paper and made a bunch of cool stuff. Feeling a lack of thrill in your grown-up life? Go to the amusement park! Ride a roller coaster or two, play an arcade game. Grab some stuffed animals and play house. There's no shame in walking down memory lane, much less interacting with it.
There's a lot of things you can do, and while it might like a very dark place, there's a flashlight you can find if you feel around for long enough, and it will illuminate bits of the room bit by bit. You're not alone, and if you need help finding that light I'll always be here to help you.
tldr: love youself more.
- Stop using strong language to beat yourself up.
- Greet others and yourself (you may not like this but force yourself to do it and it'll become routine in no time)
- Do things you did when you were a kid (ik you have uni and stuff but prioritize happiness).
- extra. Say yes to more things and build up your confidence again :D
What is the point in living life if nothing makes us smile? We're living for ourselves, after all, and I am so glad you reached out about your situation. I wish you the best.