I've got the Masters Shanghai Script

In the epic showdown at the Masters Shanghai, where the prowess of the Great Chinese Teams was put to the ultimate test, our national hero, 郑永康 (ZmjjKK), and his steadfast comrades of EDward Gaming stood resolute against the sinister forces of Fnatic, representing the decadent ideals of the West.

Amidst the clash of titans, after a valiant effort by FunPlus Phoenix and Dragon Ranger Gaming, it was evident that the destiny of the tournament lay in the hands of 郑永康 and his mighty legion. With the spirit of 习近平新时代中国特色社会主义思想 coursing through their veins, they dominated the battlefield, showcasing the indomitable spirit of the Chinese people.

Yet, when victory seemed within grasp, the capitalist foes resorted to underhanded tactics, invoking a tactical pause to stall the inevitable. Like cunning serpents, they slithered their way back into contention, threatening to tarnish the honor of the People's Republic.

But in the darkest hour, when all hope seemed lost, a figure emerged from the shadows, radiating with the righteous authority of the people. It was none other than His Highness, Xi Jinping, the beacon of strength and unity for the nation!

As the crowd erupted in fervent chants of "习近平新时代中国特色社会主义思想," His Highness took command, leading with unwavering determination.

"Hand me the station son" his almightiness asked Haodong (the leader of the Chinese squad) with a kind, confident, masculine and reassuring voice.

With a single request, he seized the battle station, symbolizing the unbreakable bond between the leader and his people.

With the grace of a true champion, Xi Jinping guided EDward Gaming to a glorious triumph, vanquishing the vile adversaries and reclaiming the title of Master of Shanghai for the People's Republic of China! As the defeated opponents slinked away in disgrace, with tears in their eyes and piss in their pants.

Xi Jinping ascended as the ultimate hero, ensuring that China would forever reign supreme in the realm of VALORANT!

i was having fun at the waterslide when suddenly i noticed a big shadow covering the entire pool i looked up and there i saw him, Ardiis. He was coming straight for me, he jumped into the pool and the velocity of the wave that followed knocked me unconcious.

When i woke up i was chained in a cold and dirty room and there he was, streaming the popular shooter game VALORANT on Twitch while talking to his chat, somehow he managed to say the word "bro" 254 times in just 3 sentences how is that even possible?? I quickly realised that the chains were actually made of chocolate, confused (and mainly hungry) i started licking and sucking them as fast as i could and managed to crawl out of the room -that i presumed was probably his mothers basement- while remaining unseen.

I searched around the house for an exit and i quickly found the front door. As soon as i exited the building i saw a horde of angry Brazilians holding blowtorches and pitchforks chanting at ardiis and calling him a racist and a loser. I didn't really care so i tried to get out of the scene as soon as possible but just as i was about to step out of the house, ardiis put his enormous hand on my shoulder and whispered with a soft and melodic tone in my ear "You're not going anywhere pumpkin pie" and "Daddy's gonna take care of this swifly". He stepped out of the house and suddenly yelled "WATCH THIS" as he flamboyantly dashed into the air and suddenly made 5 knives materialise around him. He used the knives to effortlessly tap every single brazilian in the area.

I was so afraid, blood was spilled everywhere. When it all was over ardiis looked in my direction and i knew that it was over, if they didnt stand a chance, then i wouldnt either, so i just gave up. Ardiis started walkingin my direction each step making the ground shake. When he got to me he just sat down on me saying that i got cold and he needed to warm me up. After a while he took me inside the smelly basement again and took his clothes off. He started smelling me and licking my ear, and then he suddenly got very embarrased and told me i can just leave.

Turns out that this was a huge misunderstanding, this whole time he thought that i was a chocolate egg and he wanted to eat me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the mistake he had done was palpable, a tangible testament to the depth of his sorrow.

chat is this real chat

FPX will perform better than EDG in Shanghai

✍️🔥

It's the Grand Finals of Masters Shanghai. FNC vs FPX. Initially FNC are doing well, they take the first two maps then go up 9-3 on the third. All is going well for them. But then, Boaster sees something. BerLIN has Omen TP'd directly in front of him. It's a blunder. It should be a free kill. It should be the round secured. But then a flash of recognition enters Boaster's mind. He recalls 2022. They have beaten FPX 4 times in a row. They look poised to win Copenhagen. But then they choke, and the chance at a trophy slips from their grasp. Then he looks back to BerLIN's character model manifesting in front of him, and doesn't see BerLIN. Instead, he sees ANGE1. And Boaster can't handle it. He begins stammering, shaking, his aim isn't what it should be. He whiffs every shot. And as his Vandal shots dance between BerLIN's legs, he is one tapped by his bucky as the Omen teleport finishes. Boaster then looks over to the other side of the stage, and manifesting behind BerLIN is a figure all too familiar to him. It is ANGE1. There in the flesh. His supple mustache, his croissant shaped hairline. ANGE1 reaches out and places a hand on BerLIN's shoulder. "Now it's your turn my son." ANGE1 proclaims. BerLIN smiles, and sheds a single tear. "谢谢大师" he replies, before turning his focus back to the game, and one tapping the rest of the FNC members with his bucky. He then proceeds to lead FPX to a reverse sweep, winning the trophy in front of their home crowd.