Just from the pistol:
-All of you guys are in hookah, which is already pretty bad on its own, but your mistake here is not shooting sova's recon. You're the guy who is further back, yet you let yourself and your team get scanned 3 times. That's insanely bad. Never do that again.
-While your team was trading from hookah, there were time when you literally just aimed at the portal, what the fuck was that? And no, that's not "checking flank" as you say, because you don't even check all the way back (like Reyna did in 5:22). TP is NOT flank.
-From what I can see, you're holding shift way too much, even while you were just holding the TP, you were shift walking, what's the point?
My main tip for you and any low rank player is to work on your mechanics. Movement and aim, all the way.