words are a way of conveying intent, we "misuse" plenty of words daily (in the sense that they don't mean what we intend) but it doesn't matter since our intention is conveyed
I think it's pretty clear when the n word is being used in a discriminatory/offensive way and when it isn't. nowadays a lot of its usage is basically as a substitution for dude/bro. simply look at other "offensive" words like fuck, idiot etc. you'll see people casually saying that to their friends but they know they don't mean it in a particularly bad way so no one is offended
in conclusion, the word doesn't matter, it's how you say it and the context
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