You fucked up big time man. You need to take responsibility for it and get help whether it's therapy, family or friends. You are 19 and to many still just a kid, and I don't know whether or not these actions came about from a mental health issue or an addiction to adult content, but you need to see a professional and own up to it and learn. What you did is unacceptable and disgusting, and the first step of moving on and being a better person and learning is admitting that. I don't think you deserve to have your entire life ruined, and I've seen that idea float around here too. But you need to have consequences for your actions not only because it's fair but because they will come anyways due to what you did and that many friends and potentially family will cut you off. You can make the right decisions from now on and learn and be a better person and change, but you need to make the right steps towards that goal.
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